Now, I’ve broken the rule I gave myself. This blog is for thoughts, not reports of activities. However, since I already wrote the whole post up (the dying happy one), I’ll leave it and compromise with myself by trying to write a thoughtful post now.

Hmmm… Give me a minute.

Aha! I’ve found it. Hee. Hee. 1 Timothy 4: 7,8: “Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” If you want thoughts, go to the Bible.

My thought on that is, “So that’s why I haven’t been doing my exercise video in the mornings. Obviously, I’m just building up godliness instead.”

You know this is a joke.

I really shouldn’t write posts this late at night.

Good-night.

I had a GREAT weekend. Really. I just loved it, and I’m not sure why it was so wonderful. Seriously, it was one of the best weekends in years.

Friday evening: Hubster took the kids to the park and grocery store (with a list I gave him, of course) while I went into a cleaning frenzy around the house and got a room and a half done.

Saturday: Spent the day at a HUGE Botanical Garden. Oooooh, it was wonderful. The day was perfect, the roses were in bloom, we walked barefoot in the fountain and watched the kites flying.

Sunday: I forfeited everyone’s ability to go to church by taking a too-long bath in the morning after struggling with the baby not sleeping all night. After an argument about it, we ate brunch and spent the afternoon digging in the backyard to mulch an area for our grill and then painted a wall in the evening BRIGHT ORANGE. It’s nice. Really. It’s “harvesty”.

Why was the weekend so wonderful and refreshing? I’m still trying to figure out the formula so I can mix it up again for myself on another weekend. My theories are:

A. We spent time outside enjoying nature.
B. We spent time together.
C. We did fun projects.
D. We got out of the house.
E. All of the above
F. None of the above

You can comment and “vote” on your favorite theory. Just kidding. I won’t make this into a “reality blog”. I’m leaning towards A. because we do the other things at times, but haven’t done much of A. lately. Perhaps, though, it was the combo pack that really put it over the top.

I have a problem with authority.  I admit it.  My husband pointed it out to me a long time ago, and I’ve found out he’s right.  Well, a couple of days ago, as I was commenting on someone else’s blog, I got a clue as to why.  I told the blogger, “Whatever the scenario, don’t get pushed into a corner with a situation you’ll be so frustrated with that it changes you into someone you don’t want to be. That’s my two cents anyway. I’ve let authorities push me into situations that I shouldn’t have let myself get into, and it’s a bad place to be.”

I posted the comment and then later that evening I was thinking about what I’d said.  Why did I let authorities push me?  If I didn’t agree with the decision, why did I follow it?  Then I realized, after I got pushed into the situation, I started resenting the authority that mandated it to me.  That’s probably why I have a problem with authority. 

At this point, another bit of my day intruded.  I have a crying afternoon program.  It’s not a soap opera, but the Starting Over program.  I almost always cry when I see the women working out their issues and it connects with mine.  The newest lady’s issue is “rebuilding relationships”.  She blames her husband and everyone else for her unhappiness.  Well, she was given an object lesson of being asked to sit down in swamp water.  Then her life coach asked her which part of the swamp was hers.  The life coach covered her in the muck and told her that unless she was willing to take ownership of her part of the gunk around her, she would continue to be covered in it.  Of course, I cried when the lady did.  I always do.  That’s why it’s my afternoon crying program.

This swamp object lesson then collided with my train of thought about resenting authority, and I made the connection that I didn’t have to be pushed into these situations.  I have a problem with authority because I give them too much influence over my life.  I let them make my decisions so I don’t have to take responsibility for them and then have someone to blame when situations turn sour. 

The truth is, even letting someone else make my decision is a decision in itself.  I am still responsible for my actions.  No matter if an authority tells me to do something, it is still my action, and the consequences are mine to bear.  This is my part of the swamp gunk.

Something about that is freeing.  I have the ability to disregard authority.  Yes, I do.  It may not always be wise to, but the freedom is there, and the consequences are mine to take.  Authorities then dwindle from people who can take away my ability to act as I think best to…to what?  I’m now venturing into unthought territory.  What are your thoughts on this?  Perhaps they are giving advice?  Are they friends with suggestions?  What is a balanced way to think about authority?  How do you think about authority?

Aha!  I was reading it over, and I realized the change is in a shift of power.  Before, I was helpless, powerless in the face of authority (I felt).  Now I am the one with the power, still with the power to act as I think best.  That still leaves me with questions as to how to think of authority, though.  They still have some power, or they wouldn’t be an authority.  What kind of power do they have then?

This is my second side path offered to me then already, just since having started this blog.  The first - Give up the lie: “Only bad things happen to me.”  Now, the second - Authorities do not have the power to take away my ability to act and to take consequences for my actions.  It’s good to habitually remind myself of the truth revealed to me so I don’t forget.

If you want to read about my first side path, it’s in the “Can you choose your perspective?” post a little ways back.

I’m telling you - every few days, BOOM!  Here comes another one.  It’s amazing how fast the Holy Spirit can move.

I’m really tired tonight.  I don’t think I have a brain to think.  I’m completely numbed by potty accidents and dish pile-ups. 

I almost deleted yesterday’s blog, but my husband convinced me to leave it.  He said that’s the point of blogs, to be able to express yourself without repercussions.  I think even blogs have repercussions.  (Really, he was just vastly amused, and I didn’t have the heart to disappoint him.)

Ahha!  I found a way to cheat again, since I don’t have a brain tonight.  I kept an inconsistent journal for a few months back, and here’s something I’ve gleaned from it to share today.  It was a realization that helped keep some nit-picky issues in perspective.

“Part of being a good parent is being a good spouse.  It’s at least as important for a child to grow up with parents not shouting at each other as it is for him to grow up with healthy meals.”  (I was worried that our 3-year-old was not getting enough nutrition from the food choices my husband would pick for him when he gave him things to eat.  We were having arguments about it.)

Well, my husband promised me a backrub when I get to bed, but I see he’s fallen asleep already with the baby.  Sigh.  I’ll have to take a raincheck.  Good-night!

OK, maybe I’m crazy, but I get a little nutso sometimes when I read about women’s sex life in the Bible. Like tonight, I was reading the book of Esther again. Do you think Esther really liked being pulled in to have one weird night with a strange old man and then possibly to never have sex again in her life and be consigned to a house of concubines? It gives me the willies to think about it, and this was supposed to be a privilege!

Or what’s her name, Tamar… who was raped by her brother, who was then killed by her other brother. David, their father, did nothing. Icky.

Then there’s the sister of the 12 boys of Jacob. I can’t think of her name offhand - who got rummaged by the dude who eventually got a hack-job with the other men of the village and then killed by the 12 brothers. I think she wasn’t allowed to marry after that. What in the world?

How about the rule that if your husband dies, you get to marry one of his brothers?

I have never heard a sermon about these things, or heard them talked about, other than in reference. It really bothers me, though. These were real women, and these were their lives, and no one ever talks about how horrible this was for them. I’ve heard sermons on the story of Judah and his daughter-in-law that he slept with and how it shows his sin and wow! that these people were in the geneology of Jesus, etc… but it’s like no one places themselves in her shoes and sees the span of her life being lived in the midst of this horrible situation. It makes me want to cry and throw things. I’m sure she did.

How could Lot’s daughters sleep with him? Ick. Ick. Ick. What were they thinking? Did people think about sex differently then? I’m thinking they must have, because these sorts of actions are so foreign to me that I just can’t not be bothered by it.

I know this is a subject not talked about much, and perhaps you are reading this thinking I’m the oddest person ever, but why don’t we talk about it, if it’s in the Bible? Sometimes I hear talk of the good sex in the Bible, about Song of Songs and all, but we don’t talk about the bad sex or the odd sex, other than to refer to it or condemn it. Why are we so shy? Let’s face it - sex is in the fabric of our beings and the Bible certainly doesn’t shy away from it, the good and the bad, obviously. Why is it always taboo to talk of it?

Not that I’d casually ask a question about it during Sunday morning coffee hour to the little old man sitting next to me…. and if I ever met you, I probably wouldn’t bring it up to your face either. Luckily, my computer is safer. I can be bold with impunity.

Quote from my 3-year-old son:  “Raindrops keep falling on my head, but that doesn’t mean we need to look down.” 

He likes to sing in the shower, and I thought this was an inadvertantly thought-provoking twist on the familiar song. 

Sorry. I don’t know what went wrong. My picture was showing when I first put it on, even though it was only showing as a thumbnail. I’m going to try again. Thanks for being patient.

 

Happy Anniversary, honey.  I love you!

I’m taking a mini-vacation from blogging to celebrate my 6th anniversary (wedding, that is).  See you on Monday, unless I think of something I absolutely have to share before then.

 

I spent a year in China and it messed up my thinking for life.   It’s like I was only working with a quarter of the pie of possibilities before then.  There are so many different ways of viewing a situation and acting within it.  I couldn’t write out the differences in East vs. West, but I got the feel of it enough that once in a while something will be pulling at my mind, not sit right with me, and then bing!  I’ll realize, “This isn’t making sense to me because it’s an Eastern thing, not a Western.”  A lot of times, I can’t go any farther than that, but at least I’ll realize why I’m not getting it.

To make a long story short (or is it too late for that?) I was reading a Psalm yesterday morning and something that had always bothered me in the back of my mind about the Psalms clicked and I said, “It’s an Eastern thing!  OH, that explains it!”

David prays, “In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant (Ps 143)”.

Doesn’t it seem strange that David’s so bossy with God, and then gives the lame excuse for it, “for I am your servant?”  Like he has any claim on God.  What’s that about? 

Well, it’s because (I think) in Eastern thought the servant does have a claim on the master.  In the West, even though we have bosses and a hierarchy in the workforce, we all feel on the same level, we’re all “equal”.  We’re independent and don’t owe anybody anythin’.  We detest obligations. 

In the East the host and guest have distinct obligations, distinct roles to play out with each other.  Each relationship does, including the master/servant.  In that way, each serves the other and fulfills each other’s needs.  David is saying, “I am your servant, and that gives us certain roles and obligations to each other.  Please fulfill yours.”

I’m not an expert by any means, but this seems to fit in with what I’ve learned so far about Eastern thought.  I’d be happy to hear others thoughts about this from what they know.